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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Apr 9, 2008 21:24:19 GMT -5
i'll get back to you.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jul 21, 2008 22:19:23 GMT -5
I haven't felt this way...ever. Yes, I loved Peter. Maybe, in another life, we would have lasted our whole lives. But it wasn't a mature love. It was a butterflies, walk you to class, buy you candy on valentine's day, love. With Carson, it's different. It's like...I'm happy when I'm with him, not just in a smiling way, but like if I had to die, I'd want him to be with me. Then I wouldn't be scared or upset. That's creepy, isn't it? I just...he could have screwed me and not had to date me, but he didn't. He fell in love with me. That still amazes me. He chose me over 'no strings attached' sex. I don't think he would have done that for everyone. Maybe I'm wrong though. And he quit smoking for me. And he cuddles with me, sometimes. And when I make stupid weird jokes he laughs. And he supports me, even when he doesn't agree. Like holding off university. I know (I think) he wants me to be with him, but he'd rather me educate myself. But he lets me make a choice. And he's funny when he's being serious. It's scary but I could envision myself older with him, a million kids running around. And this is me, knowing the pain of childbirth. Magic helps but those contractions...those hurt. I'd have literally a million children, without pain medicine, if that was what made him happy. And the best part is, I don't think he'd want something that would hurt me.
I just had an idea. I don't want to jinx it. I'll tell you how it goes.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jul 24, 2008 0:18:44 GMT -5
that's not entirely true
i'm tired of this, when your fingertips meet your eyelashes and i am somewhere stuck between. i don't even remember, good or bad or ugly, just that hazy distant memory of fact. i have more than fact, now. more than enough to assure me i'm in a good place. so keep on running and not looking back. i'm not turned in your direction. i've been swept off my feet.
i have no motivation, only inspiration. i need fuel for this tank of a brain.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jul 25, 2008 0:14:49 GMT -5
(this really doesnt look too much like carson and steph, but it's cute :)
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jul 29, 2008 21:47:10 GMT -5
i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself
i'm so sorry
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jul 31, 2008 21:31:02 GMT -5
all my friends drowning at sea
yeah everyone except for you and me
and they'll be at the bottom
and they'll be at the bottom
an anchor tied to their feet
with all the love, their hearts will sink
and they'll be at the bottom
and they'll be at the bottom
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i sit up straight sit up straight
i sit up straight sit up straight
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i straighten up and get out
straighten up and get out, yeah
you know i wont mind
if the current falls over you
you know i wont mind
if the current falls over me too
because i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i sit up straight sit up straight
i sit up straight sit up straight
i think i'll take the long way home
i suggest i straighten up and get out
i straighten up and get out, yeah
i think i'll take the long way home
i think i'll take the long way home
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Sept 12, 2008 8:08:36 GMT -5
i thought i was breaking my own heart but he was happy to do it for me
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Sept 14, 2008 23:19:13 GMT -5
i have spent less than 100 days with my daughter. now i am going to be with her 365 days a year. i am excited and nervous and scared and stressed. i hope she loves me. i hope i can make her happy. i hope i can love her unconditionally like my parents said they would for me. i hope i can make up for abandoning her.
i really don't know her at all.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Sept 21, 2008 21:14:13 GMT -5
this is such a mess. i am a terrible mother. and i miss him so bad.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jan 4, 2009 8:48:35 GMT -5
i'm too old to be keeping up with this failure of my feelings. i'm too young to feel this way.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jan 4, 2009 9:19:18 GMT -5
i have never looked so unhappy.
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jan 12, 2009 18:51:53 GMT -5
getting better say what?
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Post by Stephanie.Lily.Zawatsky on Jan 16, 2009 18:48:01 GMT -5
it's pretty unrealistic
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